Has Your Neon Pale to Impartial? Why So Many Girls Are Feeling Invisible in Their Personal Lives

Let’s be sincere – you’ve been the one preserving issues working easily within the lives of your loved ones for years. You’ve been associate, mum or dad, taxi, prepare dinner, housekeeper, the one one who can preserve the calendar, and sure in control of meals procurement. And that simply scratches the floor.

A lot of you may have accomplished this whereas managing a profession or alone.

So, why, given the numerous roles a girl performs in life and the lives of others, achieve this many ladies find yourself feeling invisible as they age?

There was in all probability a time in life if you felt observed. And appreciated. And desired. And attention-grabbing. You have been like a neon signal, grabbing the eye of these round you.

However now it feels such as you’ve pale into one of many many shades of impartial that partitions are painted so that they go unnoticed and don’t conflict with the thrilling inside design selections.


How Your Neon Turned Impartial

Feeling invisible is a well-documented circumstance for girls, and it turns into increasingly widespread with age.

Though it could possibly occur at any level, girls of their 50s and 60s appear to be most affected, usually reporting they really feel:

  • Ignored
  • Unseen
  • Undervalued
  • Unheard

The invisible girl phenomenon has even been referred to within the media, one of the recognizable cases being Saturday Night time Stay’s Christmas skit, “Mother Bought a Gown.”

A newer instance is demonstrated by Kathy Bate’s character within the upcoming Matlock reboot, saying, “There’s this humorous factor that occurs when girls age – we change into rattling close to invisible.”

However why? There are a number of causes this will occur.

Societal Elements and Stereotypes

On the coronary heart of the invisible girl phenomenon lie deeply entrenched societal norms and gender stereotypes that simply gained’t let go.

All through historical past, girls have discovered themselves in roles primarily centered on caregiving, homemaking, and supporting others. As these conventional roles usually occur behind the scenes, girls can discover themselves feeling sidelined and unappreciated for his or her contributions to each private {and professional} realms.

Regardless that efforts to bury these stereotypes have made progress, they appear to have discovered a cushty house on the planet of seasoned girls of a sure age. Too usually, the ladies thought-about neon, i.e., vibrant, assertive, enjoyable, and enticing, hit 50-60 and fade to impartial.

Media Illustration

The media performs a pivotal function in shaping societal perceptions and requirements. Though progress has been made, many media portrayals of ageing girls emphasize slender definitions of magnificence, success, and habits.

Are you a ball-busting company exec or an excessively sexualized cougar hooked on beauty surgical procedure? If not, then who’re you in your 50s-60s?

These restricted portrayals are detrimental and exclude the reality of female experiences. The shortage of relatable illustration undermines girls’s worth and contribution and leaves many feeling irrelevant.

Microaggressions and Gaslighting

  • “You’re overreacting.”
  • “Is that this a menopause factor?”
  • “Actually? Is life that tough for you? You’re effective.”
  • “Cease being so dramatic.”
  • “Nothing’s modified – what are you complaining about?”

Delicate sexism and gaslighting also can erode a girl’s sense of visibility over time. Whether or not it’s being taken without any consideration and lack of appreciation, their opinions being dismissed, achievements downplayed, or concepts attributed to others, these microaggressions chip away at a girl’s vanity and make her really feel unseen.

Compounding issues turns into gaslighting, and leads to a girl not being taken significantly when she expresses her emotions or stands up for herself.

These cases have a tendency to accentuate with age and accumulate, creating the feeling of invisibility.


Ageism is, sadly, actual. And it could possibly result in a distressing expertise for girls as they age. Societal norms prioritize youthful girls, leaving these rising in knowledge feeling marginalized and impartial.

Let’s be clear – though widespread, the sensation of invisibility doesn’t occur to all girls. When it does, nevertheless, it could possibly trigger important unhappiness, misery and probably result in melancholy.

All of the Feels of Feeling Invisible

I labored with a girl just lately who’s been coping with emotions of invisibility. She described it this manner:

“I’m just like the motor within the automobile. I make every little thing work, however nobody notices me until I’m on the fritz. Nobody says, ‘Whoa – I really like your motor,’ or ‘What can we do to enhance the motor’s life?’ And if the motor wants upkeep, nobody says, ‘Aw, poor motor. Let’s provide you with some consideration.’ As a substitute, they complain, saying, ‘GD motor!! You’re ruining my day; why can’t you’re employed the best way you’re speculated to?’ And God forbid anybody make the motor really feel fairly!”

Are you able to relate? I discovered it to be an apt description. 

Different emotions that come up from feeling invisible embody 

  • Isolation and loneliness
  • Poor vanity
  • Nervousness and melancholy
  • Emotions of uselessness and futility
  • Midlife crisis

All these emotions will be detrimental to not solely psychological well being however bodily well being as nicely. 

Actual Methods to Deliver Again Your Neon

Though the invisible girl phenomenon is acknowledged as a problem, recommended options are high-level and superficial, creating extra of an “trade” of self-care and girls-night-out concepts fairly than actual options. It’s the fashionable model of the make-her-life-easier-by-giving-her-a-new-vacuum.

Tub salts, lotions, and chardonnay don’t make girls really feel seen. And no girl has ever felt valued as a result of somebody gave her a brand new vacuum. 

However there are some ways in which each a girl and the individuals who love her may help carry again the neon and make her really feel extra seen.

Issues You Can Do to Really feel Seen


To twist an outdated phrase, seen is as seen does. In the event you’re feeling like that motor nobody sees, discover methods to make them discover you. Categorical your self by your look, model, and communication. Keep true to who you might be whereas being open to updating your model to replicate your persona.

Studying Is aware of No Age

Persevering with to be taught new issues will open up many doorways. New pursuits imply assembly new individuals, having new conversations, and sustaining mind well being and plasticity. So, take programs, attend workshops, or pursue certifications in areas that curiosity you.

Keep Tech-Savvy

Expertise is a giant a part of trendy life and never solely makes life simpler in lots of instances however can be a artistic and social outlet. Familiarize your self with digital instruments, social media platforms, and communication apps.


A few of you might be saying, “Do you imply making mates?” Sure, but it surely’s greater than that. Even when you’re retired, constructing and sustaining a stable community of contacts of every kind is crucial.

Attend skilled and social occasions, be a part of golf equipment or organizations, and join with individuals in your discipline or areas of curiosity. Networking can result in new alternatives and preserve you linked with related developments.

Keep or Enhance Well being and Wellness

Caring for your bodily and psychological well being is essential. Common train, a balanced food regimen, and ample sleep enhance general well-being. And these efforts can change into a supply of social engagement as nicely.


Getting concerned in your group by volunteering or charitable work may help you’re feeling extra linked and related. It additionally lets you make a constructive influence on the lives of others and keep a social community.

Embrace Change

Change is the one fixed in life, so don’t be afraid of it. Adaptability is a talent that retains you feeling seen and related. Somewhat than working towards change, embrace it and transfer with it.

Keep A Development Mindset

“Development mindset” would be the buzzword de jour, but it surely’s additionally necessary. Consider in your potential to be taught and enhance. A development mindset encourages you to see challenges as alternatives for development fairly than obstacles.

Share Your Knowledge and Expertise

With age comes expertise. Contemplate mentoring or teaching youthful people. There’s an unimaginable scarcity of those that can mentor, coach, and educate in numerous areas.

Domesticate Pursuits

Pursue hobbies and pursuits that you simply’re obsessed with. Partaking in actions you like energizes you and connects you with like-minded people.

What These Who Love You Can Do

Take Her Critically

Being dismissed or taken too frivolously can result in somebody feeling invisible.

Actively Pay attention

Present real curiosity in her ideas, emotions, and experiences.

High quality Time

Have interaction in actions you each get pleasure from, whether or not it’s going for a stroll, cooking a meal, or watching a film. This devoted time helps construct a stronger connection.

Categorical Gratitude

Let her know you admire her contributions and their particular person strengths.

Present Affection

Bodily contact can convey love and affection.

Acknowledge Effort

Acknowledge her effort, whether or not it’s work, parenting, family tasks, or private hobbies.

Present Curiosity

Have interaction in conversations about her pursuits, hobbies, and passions. Present real curiosity and ask questions. Folks change over time – chances are you’ll be stunned by what you be taught.

Random Acts of Kindness

Shock her with random acts of kindness that present you care.

The Shadows Are No Place for You

In the event you’ve felt just like the invisible girl, the unrecognized motor, or like your neon has gone impartial, keep in mind that your emotions are legitimate. You should be seen, heard, and valued.

Though it could take time, you may and may make adjustments that carry you out of the shadows. However for adjustments to happen, you’ll must take proactive steps towards addressing your emotions.

And it doesn’t matter what anybody says, who you might be and what you suppose has intrinsic price. Simply ask Kathy Bates. After remarking on the invisibility of ladies of a sure age, she goes on to level out that “It’s helpful as a result of no one sees us coming.”

Let’s Have a Dialog:

Do you generally really feel invisible? Does it really feel like your neon has dimmed through the years? What have you ever accomplished to make your self really feel extra related and seen?