The Morning Present 304: Name Your (Ex) Girlfriend
Hey and welcome again to The Morning Present! This week, we’re lastly blessed with some homosexual interplay between our favourite (Ex) Girlfriends within the Information! It’s been too lengthy since these two have been onscreen collectively, what a desert now we have been residing in. Let’s get some tablesetting out of the best way. It’s upfronts, AKA the time the place networks beg advertisers for cash. If you’ll recall, final week, Jon Hamm advised Cory he wasn’t excited by shopping for uba, what with all of its institutional racism points. This implies uba is a precarious monetary state of affairs, and everyone seems to be placing on their greatest charms to win over numerous advert execs. Nicely, that’s what Cory desires them to do, however should you can think about, the entire girlies have a unique interpretation of what which means.
For Bradley, it means: Name your ex and invite her to a celebration within the Hamptons! By no means thoughts that she straight up works at a competing community! That is set into movement after Bradley watches NDN’s upfronts (the place do they stream these?) and, most notably, watches herself and Laura get roasted by Fortune Feimster. It appears Bradley’s video sext (do now we have a correct title for that?) has not leaked, however fairly, some fairly PG pictures of Laura and Bradley from their time in Montana. Fortune is dragging them for…being boring? “By the appears of it we’re in for a Sound of Music lesbian reboot!” Woman I suppose? There’s photograph of Laura kissing Bradley’s head, certainly one of them holding a goat, and certainly one of them apple selecting. The goat photograph opens up a world of questions for me, particularly: Is Laura’s ranch an precise, working ranch?? If that’s the case, why have I not seen it, and why is there not a spin off in regards to the workers??? Both means, these reminiscences are sufficient for Bradley to name her ex and invite her to the upfront occasion. Necessary to notice is that Laura won’t have the ability to make it, as NDN has a “skate occasion” deliberate. Big props to whoever the hell determined that was what would promote to advertisers!
I’ve not stopped laughing but!!!
Alex, ever the innovator, has taken it upon herself to allure Jon Hamm again into the uba fold. She rolls up at his lodge in an unbelievable Porsche convertible (sure, I googled “fancy automotive manufacturers” and matched the brand — like Bradley, I’m journalist!) and appears at him together with her enormous blue eyes for lengthy sufficient that he jumps in. Sorry to be straight on important, however I nonetheless need them to fuck!
Over at Celebration Prep Central, Cory is demonstrating that no matter else he could also be, he’s a A+ occasion host, by asking that the towering uncooked bar be moved out of the direct daylight. Good name! Because the occasion will get popping, Chris and Mia take a while to metal themselves. Frankly, if I have been Chris, I might be staying distant from any company meet and greet nonsense. How are you gonna make me allure individuals after the occasions of final week! However Chris is skilled, and manages persuade slash evenly threaten Stephen Fry (did I point out he was on this present now? He’s!) to convey up the staggering pay disparities at uba to the board. She has a looooot of eyes on her now, and who is aware of what she may publish to her tens of millions of followers if he doesn’t come via. Pop the hell off, Chris! Mia is distracted by her conflict photographer possibly boyfriend this episode, after sending him to report on a bombing in Mariupol. The present has devoted zero time to investing me on this relationship, so I’m having a tough time caring!
The place has Alex taken Paul? Oh, to Coney Island in fact! The place higher to allure a billionaire? It feels much less like a tactic to get him again in at uba and extra like ‘Alex must get laid,” however! Kill two birds with one stone and all that. There’s a second the place he grabs her belt loop and tugs her out of his means and it’s…stupidly sizzling? Who am I????
Me in my straight period??
Stella…just isn’t having a day of slay. Regardless of it being “child’s first upfronts,” she is tasked with getting a superb chunk of advert cash from the “Ellipse Boys.” Since uba is broke as fuck, they should shore up a bunch of cash to allow them to safe a mortgage and keep away from mass layoffs slash going below. The “Ellipse Boys” are really grotesque, complaining about how boring “New American” eating places are, (unfortch they’ve a degree) whining that they didn’t go to Carbone (lol), and releasing a normal noxious misogyny that solely will get worse as they get tanked. Stella tries to maintain up, however she respects her liver an excessive amount of, so she goes to the waitress and asks that her martinis have so much much less gin and an entire lot extra water. Ultimately, probably the most obnoxious Ellipse Boy susses out her deception and tells her he’ll conform to her asking worth IF the waitress licks up her spilled drink. It’s deeply fucked up, and Greta Lee does some unbelievable work as Stella tells the waitress she’s good for the 20K tip, nonetheless attempting to be “one of many guys,” whereas additionally attempting to convey by way of her eyes how sorry she is. The waitress dutifully licks up the spill, with the boys making appreciative sounds as she does. It’s disgusting and feels upsettingly actual. Stella will get the cash and sobs within the automotive on the best way to the Hamptons. Once more, it’s effectively accomplished! It’s just a bit jarring when this present swerves right into a critical second is all!
Will wonders by no means stop! Bradley is doing her job, schmoozing with among the fits at Cory’s occasion trying like a lady who would fairly be wherever else. And look, that’s honest, that is most likely depressing! May we get an ex to the rescue, please? Reward the Lord, Laura heard my name and slides in to borrow Bradley. “I might hear you dying inside,” Laura smirks as they take a beat away from the lots. Bradley is amazed that she was in a position to get away from the “YDA Skate-a-thon,” which was an ice skating occasion? What??? For her half, Laura is relieved to be freed from drunk Audra on ice, and it’s necessary all of us keep in mind the Audra she is referring to is Mindy Kailing, as a result of that’s objectively hilarious. Plus, she needed to see Bradley and, it appears, creep round Cory’s home. Relatable! They sneak off upstairs, and I’m rubbing my arms along with anticipatory glee. Fucking your ex girlfriend in your boss’s home? Your boss who was in love you two years in the past? To not be poisonous however I help it!
Alas, we’re robbed. They examine Cory’s room and uncover he purchased his mattress from the lodge and put in it in his dwelling. A bonkers, however pleasant element, and it feels extraordinarily true to character. Laura wonders, like many people, why the sext video of Bradley didn’t get leaked within the hack. Bradley tries to play it off prefer it’s no large factor, however admits she’s fairly certain Cory paid them out of his personal pocket. I really feel like…I might need concrete information right here? How might you operate with out realizing for certain? The face Laura makes in response seems like a abstract of my emotions: disbelief with a touch of get a grip. Laura makes a joke about Cory lacking Bradley being proper down the corridor, and I don’t assume she means it in a imply means, however Bradley doesn’t take it effectively, suggesting they return downstairs earlier than individuals begin to surprise. And identical to that…Laura misses her probability to revenge fuck on Cory’s mattress. A pity!
A lady who has missed her probability!
And since she is an efficient particular person, Laura brings her ex a drink with a aspect of an apology. Bradley’s simply confused, you see, as a result of she’s been occupied with their relationship. “I’m not asking for any of that,” is Laura’s hilarious response. To be clear, if I ever heard these phrases from an ex, I might throw myself into visitors. Not a lot for Bradley! A part of her desires to run away with Laura once more (lady get in line!) and a part of her remembers how depressing she was. I don’t keep in mind how depressing she was as a result of I haven’t seen it!!! Cory pops as much as put a cease to this GAY BEHAVIOR, and Laura reads the room like a professional and dips. “I’m actually not asking that a lot, contemplating all I’ve accomplished for you,” he says, alluding to the supposed homicide they coated up. It’s a bit intense, even for Cory.
What’s incorrect with him, you ask? Nicely! Seems, Fred Micklen (Angela Chase’s dad from My So Called Life, villain of The Morning Present S1) is again! If Bradley and Cory did kill somebody and canopy it up, I can’t fathom why it wasn’t him! Fred is consulting for the corporate that Cory is attempting to get a mortgage from, and if uba takes mentioned mortgage, he might be in control of each single resolution Cory makes. “You’ll be sporting golden handcuffs once I fuck you,” Fred says. Completely regular factor to say to the person whose occasion you’re crashing! Which implies, in fact, that they will’t take the mortgage, and Stella and that waitress went via hell for….nothing.
However what’s that? Is that the sound of a whirlybird, making ready to land dramatically on the seashore in entrance of Cory’s mansion? Whomstever may very well be inside it? For those who guessed “Alex and Jon Hamm,” congratulations! They’ve a beautiful slo-mo entrance to “Fact Hurts” (yikes!) and it’s doable that uba will dwell to combat one other day!!!
